It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
