Just fell off a train. Bad.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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