I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
