Michael Bay diarrhea
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
