So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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