I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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