Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize