Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
