He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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