There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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