They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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