We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
