I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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