Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
