I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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