.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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