If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
