a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
