i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
