I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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