Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
