You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize