Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
