It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
