Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
