I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
