im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
