atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
