Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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