My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to sanitize my soul.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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