Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
