I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
