Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
