Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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