Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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