dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
