Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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