If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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