mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
