She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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