Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
