Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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