He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
