I'm gonna have a badass scar
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
