why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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