can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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