Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
