My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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