Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
