he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
