Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
