Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
