A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
