How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
