You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
