I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
