I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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