ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
