so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
