That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
