Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
