so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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