I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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