I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize