So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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