Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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