i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
