If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
