You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
