She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize