You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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